Tag Archives: Sacra Crypta

2.35 The Sacra Crypta

Book II: Chapter 35
July 15

The Sight continued for me as I saw that the small room that Alan and Miriam had emerged into.

By the look on Alan’s unmasked face I could tell that it wasn’t exactly what he had expected to find. (And I had to agree with him).

“It looks like an olde world safe deposit box room.” Alan was confused. “This is the sacred crypt of La Papessa?

“Well, your description is not far from the truth.” Miriam replied still wearing that damned Nano Mask.

The walls of the room were filled with a multitude of small openings, each covered with a now-corroded iron door – these were the safe deposit boxes Alan had referred to — and nearly every inch seemed to have such a box built in.

“Hmm. Although this was a nice touch,” Alan joked, “it’s well known that during medieval times locksmithing technology was not all that secure. I can’t imagine this would do much to keep out a determined thief.”

“Take a closer look.” Miriam flashed the light over a block of the boxes. “As you can see, each door has multiple locking systems – to include a spring loaded bolt, interlocking wards on the case, and a padlock. Also notice that each door has no less than seven key-holes – this is significant, because for each box only one keyhole provides access to the interior – choose any of the incorrect key holes, and the final security measure is triggered.”

“What’s that?”

“A small capsule is stored within each of the incorrect keyholes. If their wards are moved, the capsule will be punctured – causing trace amounts of sulfur, naphtha, and quicklime to be released inside the box.”

“Wait,” Alan interrupted. “That combination of chemicals is known as Greek Fire and it’s highly combustible!  I recall John telling me how he helped the Byzantines perfect its use in the 7th century to help defend Constantinople from attacking Arabs.”

Alan’s little history lesson is true – WE smoked those Arab attackers!

Pondering further, Alan added, “Miriam, do you realize that if a liquid fire like that was released into such a small space it would burn indefinitely, becoming so pressurized, that if and when the doorway ever was opened, the Greek Fire would explode outwards, scorching the intruder!”

(Wow, I’m pretty impressed).

“The consequence of an errant deed.” Miriam confirmed, unmoved.

“But what about the treasures inside? They would be burned up too.”

“Only one box actually has anything inside — the one containing my letter from La Papessa.” And here she moved over towards the left hand wall and placed her hand on the door to one of the boxes. “As you can see, this door is still intact, thus my letter is safe.”

“But, what if an intruder had pried at the locks on your box and failed?” Alan was still incredulous at the security system that Miriam and Pope Joan had devised. “Your letter would be gone.”

“That would have been just as well. After all, I know what it says. Remember, we are here to ensure that no one else does.” And before Alan could remark again, she continued. “Time is running short. The Sacra Crypta we stand in now is located exactly under where the old altar of Saint Stephen’s used to be. It is now time for us to retrieve that which La Papessa locked inside.” And she reached into her blouse and pulled out a chain, revealing a small key – one that she then used to unlock the padlock.

<Click!> the device opened.

Miriam then proceeded to turn the dials necessary to unlock the various tumblers that released multiple bolts in turn. Finally she used the same key that opened the padlock and plunged it into one of the seven keyholes – the third from the left. Miriam turned the key a full rotation, only to cause the tumblers to fall in line with a <HIIIiiiisssss…>

At the sound, Alan pulled Miriam backwards, “Greek Fire!”

Yet Miriam shrugged him off, “Don’t worry. My efforts were correct, that was just a small bit of air trapped inside.” With full confidence, she proceeded to open the portal. “This box has been locked for centuries… until today.”

Alan watched as Miriam reached inside the box and pulled out a small scroll – although it was tiny and non-descript, he did not make the mistake of underestimating its importance, “The Doomsday Missive. Can I finally see it?”

“There’s no time.” Miriam stuffed the scroll into her blouse and began looking all around the room, as if expecting something to happen.

“What do you mean no time?” Alan queried.

Just then, the floor began to <Rumble>.

“Get ready!” Miriam called out above the increasing din.

And as soon as she said it, the floor tilted down, giving way beneath them and sending them falling into the darkness below!

“YAWWW!” Alan screamed as the floor of the Sacra Crytpa gave way, causing he and Miriam to land with a <THUD> in the pitch black below.

“Some ride!” Miriam called out. “Are you alright, Alan?”

“Sure. But some advance warning would have been nice. Miriam, I can’t see a thing. How do we get out of this mess?”

“Easy.” Miriam flicked on her lighter again. “Just go up those stairs.”

Now that I could see too, it appeared my friends were in a rough hewn cavern; the location where they dropped from above was once more closed off and there was apparently no other way to go, except up the stairs Miriam just illuminated (how convenient, eh?)

And so, with Miriam leading the way, the pair trudged upwards. After a short while they reached a small landing – yet this too appeared to end in a blank wall.

“So where does this secret doorway take us?” Alan joked.

“I think you’ll be amused at this one.” Miriam reached high on the right wall and pushed in the release mechanism for this portal.

“Wait a second.” Alan hissed as the door opened. “This is the hidden cove behind the wooden stall in the Chapel of the Choir! But, Miriam, why in the world did we go through that escapade to get to the Sacra Crypta if we could have just walked down a flight of stairs? What are you trying to do to me? If I didn—“

“Alan, dear, what good would it have done to go down these stairs? How would you have gotten into the Sacra Crypta? The trap door ceiling can only be released from inside the Sacra Crypta.”

“So, you’re telling me that had we, or anyone, gone down this stairwell from the Chapel of the Choir it would have been to no avail?”

“The only thing you would have discovered would have been that empty chamber below. There is no way to get into the Sacra Crypta — except by that which we traversed.”

“I see.” Alan said through pursed lips, perhaps not yet ready to let Miriam off the hook for the ordeal he just went through. “Well, what now?”

“First let’s don our disguises.” Miriam began putting on her tourist clothes once more. “Then, we wait till the basilica officially opens again.”

Unfortunately for me, my vision did not allow me to skip ahead this time – instead I had to keep a vigil with them.


Time passed by slowly (for all of us) as they waited in that cramped room.

It’s at times like this that I lament not being able to enjoy a good stiff drink while watching these visions. Quite frankly I never understood why He didn’t allow me this little concession – what harm could it have caused? Hell, had I been able to drink a few brews I’d have been much more willing to endure these revelations over the millennia.

But does He ever think of me?

Of my happiness?

Obviously not!


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36 – Friar Tuck and his Band of UNMerry Men
Book II Table of Contents

2.34 Tight Spaces

Book II: Chapter 34
July 15

Now it was finally getting interesting!

In my vision I’d been watching Alan and Miriam make their way through the secret catacombs beneath St. Peter’s Basilica – and so far it was kind of a boring vision. However after watching Alan fail to make a clean jump across the chasm things suddenly got a lot more exciting!

Unfortunately for me, the suspense did not last.

Rather than fall backwards into the pit, Alan somehow managed to throw himself forward – he then careened down into Miriam and sent them both rolling in a pile down the remaining steps.

“Ouch!” Miriam tried to catch her breath as they came to a stop on the damp stones at the bottom of the steps.

“Sorry,” Alan rolled off of Miriam, removing his masks as he gasped for breath. Then looking back at the chasm he asked. “How are we going to get back out? There’s no way we can make that leap back UP those missing steps – if any steps are still there.”

“No time for that. We’ve got to keep moving.” Miriam got up and raced ahead, following the only path available – a sharp curve to the left.

This cave was level – yet even more slippery than before because of a slimy mildew that clung to the rocks. Eventually they came to yet another triple fork. Miriam again chose to go left, yet the cobwebs filling this doorway were so thick she actually had to use her flame to burn them away.

Nonetheless, when they entered the next cavern, not only were the walls narrow, but worse yet the ceiling grade sloped in upon them and after just a few paces, Alan was forced to bend down further and further until eventually he was crawling, “Are we almost there?”

The masked Miriam didn’t reply, but instead pressed ahead.

Crawling on hands and knees, at last she wriggled her way through a tiny opening and then called back, “Don’t worry, I can stand up – this room is larger. Come on.”

Yet when she flashed the light back to give Alan a view, he panicked upon seeing that the opening was the size of a watermelon.

“I can’t do it!” Alan began to hyperventilate even without his mask on. “I’ll get stuck.”

“You CAN do it. Just stick your right arm and head through first, then I will pull you the rest of the way.”

Alan hesitated. For nearly a candlemark he refused to move, regardless of Miriam’s encouragements.

At last Miriam reached her limits and not even trying to mask her frustration she growled, “Would you rather just stay where you are and have me go on without you?”

That’s all it took to get Alan to move. Closing his eyes, he began squeezing into the hole before him…

Only to get himself stuck!

Alan wriggled.

He writhed.

He huffed and puffed, and all the while the rocks tore into his clothes and scratched at the flesh beneath.

Yet no matter what, he couldn’t get through. “ARRRGH! I’m going to die here.”

“Hush, you’re not going to die.” Miriam tried to calm Alan as he remained stuck in the cave. “You can’t die. Remember?”

“But that’s even worse!” Alan whined. “I’ll be stuck here forever.”  

“Sshh. Just give me a moment to think.” After a pause, Miriam joked, “Well, look on the bright side, after a couple months, you’ll lose a few pounds and maybe you can squeak through then.”

“Not funny. Just get me out.”

Miriam stood for a moment more, and then came up with an idea. “Close your eyes.” Then after taking a deep breath, she kicked hard three times against the edge of the portal under Alan’s arm which was sticking through on her side – the rock cracked! After a more kicks, large chunks fell away – making the opening wide enough for Alan to push his way through.

“Thank you, Jesus!” Alan gasped, trying to regain his senses.

He and Miriam were now in another antechamber – and although it was only about five feet by six feet, and Alan still had to stoop a bit, this place must have seemed like a coliseum compared to the suffocating corridor he just came from.

“Don’t worry.” Miriam advised. “The rest of the way should be no problem. Er, assuming that nothing else has changed.”

“Hrmpf.” Alan clenched his teeth. “Let’s just get this over with.”

Miriam took the only way available – a sharp turn to the right – followed this a short way, but then suddenly she stopped.

“What’s the matter?” Alan asked.

Miriam held up the light before her – revealing a blank wall.

“Did we take a wrong turn?” Alan asked anxiously, surely feeling the weight of the earth above him and dreading a return back towards that tiny hole. Yet before the phobia took further hold of him, Miriam bent forward and pushed at the lower right corner of the wall, causing the stones to grate apart.

“Ah good, another wall that moves.” Alan remarked casually — no longer surprised to see that Miriam had found yet another secret cavern.

“This is it – The Sacra Crypta.” Miriam rejoiced. “We found it –  praise God!”

(Well, this should be interesting – even I don’t know what to expect now…)


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35 – The Sacra Crypta
Book II Table of Contents

2.27 A Rose by Any Other Name

Book II: Chapter 27
July 12

My last jibe did not disappoint – and with both Alan and Miriam wfhite-faced, I went for the kill, “Lighten up, people. I know we can’t switch sides. But if Michael wants to do his thing – fine. And if you two want to stop Bates or Ma’bus or whoever he is – also fine. Just leave me out of it.” Then I clicked on the TV – hoping they would finally get the hint.

Miriam walked over, rudely snatched the remote (yes, the remote that I had just recently learned how to use!), and then turned the TV back off. “Stern discipline awaits him who leaves the path, John! You’re not listening.”

“WHAT?” I roared. “WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO KNOW?”

“Don’t you see — Michael’s offensive is a SECRET attack! I wrote about this in my letter to La Papessa. In the end, after consulting the scriptures, she marked my letter signum eternus and locked it within the most secret of the Vatican’s vaults – where it been ever since.”

“The Biblioteca Apostolica?” Alan asked. When Miriam shook her head, he wondered, “Then your letter must be in The Archives of the Apos–?”

The Vatican Archives

“Alan,” Miriam interrupted. “It’s not in any location under the control of The Apostolic Penitentiary.

“Then what other secret vault could you be referring to?”

“I’m referring to the… the… Sacra Crypta.” Miriam whispered.

The Sacra Crypta

(Bingo! That’s what I was trying to remember when Joseph was considering Cardinal Marrollo for Confuto Penitentiary – a post that would give him access to the Sacra Crypta. Damn, it’s all starting to make sense now).

Alan’s eyes narrowed, “My dear Miriam, remember who you’re talking to – you don’t seriously expect me to believe that such a warehouse has remained outside of MY knowledge for lo these many centuries?”

“I’m not sure what to say, Alan, but The Sacra Crypta does indeed exist.”

“Then where is it located?” Alan snapped, clearly embarrassed.

“Beneath the church of Santo Stefano degli Ungheresi.

“Impossible. That church was pulled down in 1776.”

“True. But what else do you know about it?”

Santo Stefano was established by Charlemagne in the 9th century.” Alan recalled. “And I was in attendance when Pope Sylvester II later granted it to King Stephen I of Hungary back around 1000. In fact, that church was a key diplomatic link between Hungary and the Vatican for centuries.”

“OK. OK.” I tried to move the story along. “What happened next, Professor?”

“Hmm.” Alan tried to remember. “I moved away from Rome again around 1100, and by then the church fell into some disrepair. In 1776 Pope Pius VI pulled down Santo Stefano and built a new sacristy for St. Peter’s.”

“If you loved it so much, why didn’t you stop this?” I teased.

“John, as you might recall, we three were tied up dealing with Weishaupt at the time. Regardless, Saint Stephen’s church was torn down – so now all that remains are its Roman columns – which I convinced Pius, by letter, to place in the new sacristy of the St. Peter’s.”

“Alan, you’re correct on all of that.” Miriam agreed. “I know how much you loved that chapel. However, you overlooked one thing.”

“Oh, what’s that?” Alan asked, an eyebrow raised in disbelief.

“There was a secret cellar under Santo Stefano.”

“What?!? That’s impossible.” Alan was offended. “Why, I’ve been there a thousand times, how could I never have known about it? There wasn’t any such feature in the original construction.”

“She said it was a secret.” I laughed.

Alan’s look at me was pure ice, yet it was Miriam who spoke again. “I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you. I was sworn to secrecy.”

“Who built this vault? Who kept you from telling us?”

“The answer to that question is one and the same.” Miriam began.

But it was I who filled in the blank, “Don’t tell me — Pope Joan?”


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28 – The Bible Code
Book II Table of Contents