Tag Archives: Jesus of Nazareth

Book 3 Golgotha Revisited

I am the Vine (10)

Leave a comment

Book III: Chapter 10
October 10

More than a month passed, and while the world continued to deteriorate around me, I was immune to most of these events as I remained in solitude on my farm.

I hope that you won’t find me hypocritical if I tell you that during this time I became engrossed again with a passion for reading The Bible.

(I also re-discovered another great brew: Goose Island Bourbon Stout – this stuff is amazing and I can’t believe I’d forgotten about it after I’d made a batch last year. Beer and bourbon – what could be better? How about beer, bourbon, and the Bible?!?)

But I digress – let’s focus just on The Bible…for now.

Now I realize that I might have told you quite a few times in the past that I didn’t believe in the words of The Bible anymore and that the book was filled with lies – but please remember that this was the old me talking. No, not the original me, mind you, but the bitter OLD man me – more specifically, the near demon that needed to be exorcised from me!

Thankfully, Gabriel helped me to do just that on July 26th (what I am calling my new ‘birth’ day) and as a result, the true John the Apostle was back in all his (my) glory!

I was ready to write again too!

Before I go any further, I feel like I must tell you some important spiritual truths. After all, our Lord is soon to return and I want to ensure that YOU will be saved along with me! Therefore, listen well to my words – I promise, if you simply LISTEN, you will understand the very essence of Jesus’ teachings and you WILL be saved at the Last Resurrection.

I am the vine; you are the branches…

Source: King Vin

That’s from my gospel, Chapter 15. Please, do yourself a favor, and turn to that section and read with me.

Are you there yet? Are you familiar with these verses?

I encourage you to bind these words around your neck, write them upon the tablet of your heart, for they will save your soul.

These then are the words of The Messiah, Jesus of Nazareth, on the night before his crucifixion and death. We sat with him in the Garden of Gethsemane as he spoke thusly…

I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing. If anyone does not remain in me, he is like a branch that is thrown away and withers; such branches are picked up, thrown into the fire and burned. If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given you. This is to my Father’s glory, that you bear much fruit, showing yourselves to be my disciples.

Gospel of John, 15: 5-8

As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. If you obey my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have obeyed my Father’s commands and remain in his love. I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete, [therefore] love each other as I have loved you.

Greater love has no one than this — that he lay down his life for his friends. You are my friends if you do what I command. I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit—fruit that will last. Then the Father will give you whatever you ask in my name.

This is my command: Love one another.

Gospel of John, 15: 9-17

My friends, do you understand?

This IS the secret – the one you’ve been searching for your entire life!

Jimmy apparently knows the secret too 🙂

Don’t you see. It’s not really a secret. This knowledge is all here, right before your eyes.

You simply need to listen, learn, and apply it.

These words will change your life if you just take them to heart.

Oh how I am truly humbled by Christ’s words. Of all people, I should have known this and never have forgotten it. (After all, I did write it down, right?)

Nonetheless, Jesus told us that surely there is no man upon this earth that is always righteous and never sins (save Him alone) – and like you I am a sinner too.

And yet, when I reread what I wrote back then, I am amazed now at the simplicity of it all.

Our purpose in life is to love and serve one another – for thereby do we give glory to God, our creator. And the best way we can accomplish our mission is to live ‘in’ Jesus Christ.

It really IS that simple.

So, tell me now, do YOU want to recognize Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior?

If so, are you willing to abide in him?

Will you accept that you are a mere branch that requires the Vine of Jesus to bring you life AND the careful pruning of God as the Divine Gardener to help you flourish?

Are you ready to allow Jesus into your life?

If so, all He asks of you is to bear much fruit for Him.

How do you do that, you ask?

Well, He already gave you the answer.

Love one another.

My friends, if you do that, you will fulfill your purpose in life – you will bring glory to your creator and you will then be rewarded with the Gift of Eternal Life!

Well done, Homer

Welcome, my brothers and sisters, to a Life of Everlasting Joy!!

Continue Reading

11 – With Fear & Hatred
Book III Table of Contents
Book 2 Rise of the Antichrist, Mary Magdalene

2.32 Two Roads Diverged

1 Comment

Book II: Chapter 32
July 14

God has set eternity in the hearts of men, yet they cannot fathom it.

I was sitting on my back porch, wasting another day. Off in the distance I spied a raccoon nosing around the area that covered the body of my intruder from a month ago. It set me to thinking…

What is Man? He is nothing but an animal – for his fate is the same – all come from the dust and to the dust all return. Who knows if the spirit of man goes upward and if the spirit of animal down to the earth? It’s all meaningless!

Eccl 3: 19-21

I took another sip of my version of Stone Pale Ale and got ready to ponder further, when suddenly a new vision was forced upon me — a view of my friends as they continued on with their pointless escapade…

Alan and Miriam were now sitting at a corner table outside a small cafe in Rome. Like the other diners, my friends were masked and gloved and all the tables were socially distant – as always this was claimed to be for protection against the virus, but was in reality just another population control method to keep the people separated so they couldn’t ‘conspire’ against their NWO overlords. Waiters (read: guards) constantly checked on guests (read: patrolled) to ensure the diners wear wearing their specialized Meal Masks correctly.

(You’ll recall that Meal Masks were an invention that came out around 2022 that allowed diners to wear a specially fitted mask that had a small opening around the mouth. That opening could be used to insert a paper straw into for drinking liquids or it could be configured so that it sensed when food was near the face and thus briefly opened to allow the diner to insert a small amount into their mouth. When used in the latter manner, the masks included a timer that only allowed the diner to insert food no more than once per minute to ensure the diner wasn’t contaminating the air with too much of their own breath. All of this was beyond absurd in my opinion, since like everything else with the Covid plandemic, there wasn’t any science to support Meal Masks doing anything to prevent the spread of the virus, but since Dr. Flipflop and the WHO recommended Meal Masks they’d long since become a fixture at public restaurants. Meanwhile, on a more positive note, one of the unanticipated side effects of Meal Masks is that, by limiting people’s time to eat, they became a fantastic method for portion control and in turn weight loss. You’ll probably remember the Meal Mask Diets that were all the rage a few years back – when it seemed like every celebrity was peddling some version of their own glammed up Meal Mask that they sold for a massive upcharge – causing more than a few fools to spend their entire monthly UBI’s on so they could show off to their friends).

“Why didn’t you tell me you about Purgatory?” Alan was chagrined as he left his espresso untouched on the table.

“Alan, it was not my place to tell YOU about your own secrets.” Miriam soothed, knowing that he was both embarrassed and pained.

(Lord, do I really have to sit here and watch this lover’s quarrel?)

“But, Miriam, what a fool I have been in front of you all these years!”

“Hush; don’t say such things.”

“So Jesus told you about me?”

“Yes. In the same way that The Teacher told you about my mission.”

“Of course — for surely if Jesus was willing to tell me about your purposes, why did I not realize he would explain to you about me? Oh, how bloody stupid I’ve been!”

“Alan, stop. What’s done is done. I knew eventually you would come clean with me before our time was through.”

“And yet… would it… have been different between us?”

Miriam fiddled with her mask and whispered, “Oh, Alan, who can say? We can’t change the past.”

(Now ain’t a classic woman’s answer? Ha!)

Alan sank into his chair, “I suppose there’s always a consequence for the choices we make.” But then, raising his head, chin jutting out, he averred, “Miriam, I’m going to believe that, had I honored you by telling you the truth immediately, then events would have turned out more like Jesus promised me – if I had only trusted in him completely, rather than trying to figure everything out according to my own designs.”

Miriam reached her gloved hand across the table to grasp Alan’s hand, “Thank you, Lazarus.”

“But, what about the future? What happens now, Mary?” Alan’s eyes was hopeful.

(Sorry, buddy, it’s not happening…)

Looking down, Miriam pulled her hand away, “Alan, right now we have a mission to complete.”

And after a pause, she whispered, “I’m sorry, but there is no time for a love that might have been.”

(Ouch!)

I watched as Alan did his best to swallow a (re)broken heart. In a stony voice he replied, “Alas, Miriam. You speak the truth. Even Solomon echoed your words, ‘No man can control the evil times that fall unexpectedly upon him.’ Such is the case with us too, neh?” And rising from the cafe table, “Well, we best be moving forward again. Ready?”

“Ready.” Miriam nodded, keeping her head down as she arose so that Alan would not see her tears.  

There was a brief haziness to my Sight, but soon enough it returned.

Apparently some time had passed, because when I saw Alan and Miriam again they were disguised as tourists – complete with obtrusive cameras, dollar-store sunglasses, and an armful of sightseeing brochures. Naturally they also had on their Covid QR Cards hanging around their necks so that the omnipresent patrols could scan them to verify their Vax Status. And of course they were masked and gloved like all the other visitors to The Vatican.

My friends looked to be part of socially distant tourist group on a tour of Saint Peter’s Basilica. It was amusing to see them pretending to listen to the masked clergyman giving the tour as he told all about the history of the grand structure – pointing out the architectural contributions of grand masters like Bramante, Michelangelo, and Bernini; explaining how the church could seat upwards of 60,000 people for a mass; and even giving interesting tidbits of knowledge about some of the unique furnishings inside the cathedral.

I could tell that Alan was rather enjoying the tour. Oh, probably not because the information provided was new to him – for in truth, Alan knew far more about this place than the young priest who was their guide – but instead because the subject of Religious Antiquities was his passion. I’m sure that such a discussion allowed his mind to escape some of the recent pains that had been reopened regarding Miriam.

Unable to resist, Alan ventured a question – modifying his voice in a Hungarian accent, “My friend, I noticed that you didn’t mention the old church of Santo Stefano degli Ungheresi?”

Miriam’s looked in surprise at Alan’s unexpected query, yet her Nano Mask effectively hid her facial expression from others.

Meanwhile, the tour guide hesitated only a moment before advising, “Oh, scusi me please, I didn’t realize you were Hungarian. How could I forget to mention your country’s national church? Certainly, my friend, Santo Stefano once stood over here.” And he led the group to a different area of Saint Peter’s. “In 1776, Santo Stefano was torn down in order to make this section of the Grand Basilica. My apologies, friend, but surely you’ll agree the space was put to good use, eh?”

“Of course. Grazie.” Alan replied.

“Shall we move outside to the Piazza?” The guide asked the group.

As it turned out, Alan and Miriam never did go outside with the rest of the tour; instead they loitered inside Saint Peter’s, using the mandated social distancing requirements to get lost in the shuffle and eventually making their way into a cordoned off section known as the Chapel of the Choir.

Once inside, Miriam shuffled Alan into one of three wooden stalls.

“We can’t hide here,” Alan protested as he removed his mask to get some fresh air. “Surely the guards will check these stalls before closing.”

Miriam kept her mask on, but pulled a hidden lever under a section of molding that opened a secret inner chamber and then proceeded to pull her startled friend into it.  

(Oh, you didn’t know about that hide-away? No matter. But surely you DO realize that The Vatican is filled with hidden labyrinths, right? Why there are probably more secret meeting places there than anywhere else in the world).

Ensconced in their hiding place, Alan and Miriam were able to remain on site long after the church closed. Although my Sight thankfully did not force me to endure the monotony of waiting in real-time, I was amused to catch one tidbit of their conversation – Alan coaxing Miriam to tell him the history of this secret chamber, clearly unable to believe that there was yet another piece of religious history that he was not aware of.

(It wasn’t the last time he was due to get such a surprise).

Continue Reading

33 – The Secret of the Lie
Book II Table of Contents
Book 2 Rise of the Antichrist, Mary Magdalene

2.31 She Knows

1 Comment

Book II: Chapter 31
July 13

My vision about Lazarus’ Resurrection Day faded to black, yet my Sight continued.

Once more I found myself looking at the present day — my friends were apparently still on their flight to Rome and Miriam’s head continued to rest upon Alan’s shoulder.

But just as quickly, I remembered something else – an inkling of a memory of Alan’s that I got just before The Negrido ended back in my workshop a few days ago.

At the time, I didn’t think much of it, but now I realized that it was important — for, as the quirkiness of life sometimes churns out, I realized that the piece of Alan’s memory that came back to me concerned that same fateful day which I had just re-lived!

I wasn’t really honest with her that day.

That’s what Alan’s mind kept screaming during The Negrido over and over.   

(OK, it’s time you understand something – even I knew that Alan, nee Lazarus, had been harboring a secret from Miriam, nee Mary of Magdala, for a long time, and while it might have been truthful for Alan to tell Mary that he had heard Jesus’ calling to him, asking him to come back and help her in a mission to save the world, when you discover the whole truth, I think you’re going to agree that Alan was a bit deceptive in the description of the afterlife that he related to her).

Peace? Love? Fulfillment? Alan’s mind had chided himself during my ritual. Ha! More like Uncertainty, Regret, and Longing. I made Miriam believe I was in Heaven, when in reality I was only in Purgatory!

But that’s not all Alan’s mind revealed. I remember him also harboring this secret…

Had I told her that Jesus offered me the opportunity to escape the sorrow of Purgatory simply by agreeing to come back and aid her, how noble would that make me look? Certainly it wouldn’t prove how much I loved her!

Do YOU see the problem here?

Alan didn’t believe the truth was dynamic enough to attract Mary and so he embellished it to make his sacrifice appear more noble – apparently because he knew he was competing against Jesus himself for Mary’s heart.

Yet, if I’ve told Alan once, I’ve told him a thousand times – chivalry doesn’t pay.

Unfortunately the fool would never listen to me. He always wanted to be the Shining Knight who came to save the day – too bad for him, he never played that role very well.

I then remember Alan’s thoughts turning blacker – even as my Negrido reached its climax.

Where has all my chivalry gotten me? Alan lamented, his soul refusing to respond to my alchemy. Miriam still doesn’t love me. She’s still saving herself for The Teacher. How can she do it? What kind of a life is that? Oh, why didn’t I just tell Mary the truth? I thought when Jesus called me from the grave I would have it all – an escape from Purgatory, a chance to be with the woman I love, a glorious place in history after fulfilling His mission, and upon death – an immediate entrance into Heaven!”

And still Alan’s mind kept on, Instead nothing has gone as expected – we failed in our mission, and more importantly to me, I never did get my time with Mary! For twenty centuries I did my best to win her heart, but to no avail. What more could a man do to prove his love? Alas, she never wanted me.

I also recalled that, as The Negrido wore on, Alan started sinking into a dangerous state of self-loathing — fighting against me pulling him back to life.

But that was a battle I refused to let him win – for that would have meant he found a way to die without me!

In desperation I forced him to drink a poison potion — essentially what you might call a happy pill. I know it sounds crazy, but hey, an alchemy master like myself has a lot of tricks up his sleeve.

(What’s that – why don’t I take my own medicine and just be happy? Enough questions!)

NO, these are the thoughts of a madman! Alan’s mind had told himself during my ritual – after the effects of my special potion began. I am Lazarus. Jesus of Nazareth was my friend, my teacher, my Lord. I DO BELIEVE!

And that was the very moment that I successfully pulled Alan out of his stupor — when I knew The Negrido had been a success!

(Naturally I didn’t tell Miriam all of this. Hey, let her wonder a bit, right?).

All this I now remembered as I look at Alan and Miriam on that plane to Rome. (And by the way,  all this movement with the Sight and my memories was making me pretty dizzy – just in case you’re wondering!)

At first glance, both of my friends appeared relaxed.

But of a sudden, Alan’s eyes opened wide in revelation, “My God, She knows!”

Miriam stirred but didn’t wake up.

Softly Alan continued to himself, “She knows my secret. She didn’t need her mental powers to guess it. Jesus must have told her way back when. She knows the truth — and she has always known!”

Continue Reading

32 – Two Roads Diverged
Book II Table of Contents
Book 2 Rise of the Antichrist, Mary Magdalene

2.30 Dead Man Walking

1 Comment

Book II: Chapter 30
July 13

My forced revelation about Alan and Miriam continued.

I had to wade through the grueling experience of watching all the passengers and crew complete their numerous Covid health safety checks – with the process delayed because of an unchipped family requiring additional on-the-spot testing before they were allowed to board – their angry fellow passengers then berating the family for their selfishness in not being chipped. After this the flight attendants did their rounds to ensure everyone was masked and gloved. (It was #PopulationControl at its finest and I know Orwell would have been proud).

When they were finally airborne, I watched Alan lean over to Miriam and say, “Did you bring The Book with you or did you put it in your checked bags?”

“That’s absurd,” Miriam was aghast.”  You know I could never check that!”

“May I see it?”

“What, here? Now?”

“Nobody knows what it is. Please. I haven’t viewed it in centuries…”

“But, why do you want to see it? It will only make you sad.”

“Miriam.” Alan gazed into her eyes. “Please.”

Not wanting to hold the eye contract, Miriam reached under the seat in front of her and pulled out a large, leather-bound tome from her carry on. After unlocking it, she hefted it over to Alan. He then flipped to the latter pages of The Book of Life — looking for text.

“So many lives lost.” Miriam whimpered. “I’ll never understand it.“

“Here you go.” Alan slammed the book and shoved it back at her.

“Er. OK?” Miriam gingerly took it back, surprised at how quickly Alan was done with it. Fumbling with the lock, she asked, “Is everything ok?”

“How very sad. Miriam, how do you live daily with this burden?”

Miriam’s tears began to soil her face mask as she replied, “Ours is not to question God’s way. We must continue in faith that all will work out, and that… maybe, there will be a final redemption when even the lost sheep will come back into the fold. At least that is MY hope.”

Alan grasped her gloved hand gently, “An admirable hope indeed.”

Miriam placed her head on Alan’s shoulder, while he continued to hold her hand, and as they sat, both of them remembered the past…

(How do I know their thoughts? Keep reading and see for yourself).

My vision shifted with theirs, I guess, because after a hazy shading, I found myself looking upon a scene I hadn’t recalled in many years…

There we were, a group of disciples and hangers-on, following Jesus of Nazareth as he led us back to Bethany – just outside of Jerusalem. We were on the way to visit with the family of our friend Lazarus. There was much confusion among the disciples about the purpose of this trip — some among the group tried to keep Jesus from going back there because our last visit to The Holy City nearly resulted in his death from the Jewish mobs who were incensed about his heretical teachings. Others were under the impression that Jesus was on his way to cure Lazarus of a mysterious illness which his sisters had urgently come to tell us about just two days before.

Yet, only myself, Mary of Magdala, and a few others knew the truth…

Lazarus was already dead.

I watched as our group moved along the road.

Then I caught a close-up glimpse of myself.

(Oh how young and strong I once was! Why can’t I relive those days again? Quickly, I looked away – it was no use living in the past – especially knowing what I know now. Instead I focused my Sight on someone else).

“St John” by Pieter Paul Reubens, c 1611

Eventually my sight fixed itself upon Mary and Jesus. They were walking together a bit separated from the others.

“But, I don’t understand, Lord.” Mary questioned Jesus. “If your friend Lazarus is already dead, why are we going back?”

“Dear one, why do you not listen to me?” Jesus replied.

“What am I missing?”

“Lazarus IS dead. But, for your sake, he will not stay that way.”

“MY sake? What do I have to do with anything concerning your friend Lazarus?”

“Lazarus is a friend to both of us and he loves you, Mary.”

“Lord!” Miriam blushed. “You know my heart beats only for you.”

“What you want cannot be.” Jesus said gently. “Each of us has a different path to walk. You and Lazarus will journey together; while I have another road. But fear not. I will always be with you.”

(Hogwash! I’ve heard that same line countless times – it ain’t true).

Clearly frustrated that the man she loved was trying to pass her off onto someone else, Mary abruptly stormed off to the back of the group to be alone – surely wondering if her destiny was still to follow Jesus or if instead she was being led down a road to nowhere.

I didn’t have time to ponder about this further because, for me, Time began to flash by…

When I got my bearings again I realized a day or more must have passed, for we were all at a party – celebrating Lazarus’ Resurrection!

(Despite my current beef with Jesus, I couldn’t help remembering the profound amazement we all experienced back when we witnessed Jesus raise Lazarus from the dead – do you have any idea what it’s like to see a man come out of the grave? Truly Jesus was a miracle worker!)

The celebration was chaotic to say the least, but I happened to catch a glimpse of Mary sitting alone in a quiet grove. Lazarus walked over to her. Not knowing what to say, Mary stuttered, “How… er, how do you feel?”

“Better… now.” Lazarus smiled calmly.

“I’m glad.” She replied automatically. “Jesus is amazing, huh?”

“He is. And so are you, Mary.”

(Can you be any more obvious, Laz?)

“Oh, looks like I need some more wine.” Mary squirmed. “Would you excuse me?”

But Lazarus grasped her hand, “Mary, I let you get away from me once before. I can’t let that happen again. I love you. Stay with me.”

“Lazarus, please! This is not the time or the place.”

“Mary, don’t you realize I was a dead man less than a day ago?”

“That’s not a very comforting thought to a girl.”

“I was experiencing the afterlife!” Lazarus related, his eyes peering inwards. “Peace. Love. Fulfillment.”

“I don’t understand, why did you come back?”

Lazarus looked intently at her. “I came back for YOU, Mary.”

“But why? Er, I know, I know, you love me.” She hissed the words under her breath. “But, it doesn’t make sense! If you were already experiencing the afterlife, surely the thought of ME could not compare?”

“I heard his voice — The Teacher. Jesus said I needed to come back to… to… help you.”

“What are you trying to tell me? That Jesus is playing matchmaker and he brought you back from the dead to save me from being an old maid?”

(Ooh, this is not going to go over well!).

Mary was fuming, “Why the nerve of th—“

But Lazarus touched her hand gently, “It’s not like that, Mary.”

“Then what is it like?”

“I DO love you.” Lazarus said, as a touch of sadness entered his words, “However, I know how you feel about The Teacher. And about me.”

“Well, Lazarus, I… we… you and I, well, we hardly know each other.”

“Be that as it may. If nothing else, I came back to help you… with your mission.”

“What are you talking about?”

Now it was Lazarus’ turn to be confused. “Wait, are you telling me that The Teacher hasn’t discussed your mission with you?”

“Does he want me to lead a new group of disciples?” Mary suddenly perked up.

(Ha, always trying to weasel her way into leadership).

Seeing that she really had no idea what he was talking about, Lazarus advised, “Perhaps this conversation was not the best idea. I’m sorry, I thought Jesus had already discussed all this with you.” And he got up to leave.

Now it was Mary’s turn to pull him back down, “Just a moment. You can’t walk away now; explain yourself!”

Unable to resist the woman he loved, Lazarus answered, “Mary, you are going to save the world! And I am going to help you!”

(Yeah, right. If only it was that easy).

Continue Reading…

31 – She Knows
Book II Table of Contents
Book 1 The Pawns of Prophecy, St John the Apostle

Immortality — Ugh (11)

Leave a comment

Book I: Chapter 11
June 11

OK, out with it – let’s hear your questions. I can tell that you won’t let me move on with my tale unless I start answering some of your nagging questions so let’s get it over with. 

Am I immortal?

Yes. Alan, Miriam, and I are all immortal – we have been since He made us that way – nearly two thousand years ago. It’s a bitch. Trust me.

Take today for instance – here I am just sitting in my bed trying to get some sleep and shake this drunken haze. Yet I can’t get any peace because He keeps sending me more revelations. Enough already!

Being immortal is just not all it’s cracked up to be.

I know Alan and Miriam may feel different, but what do they know?

Oh sure, there was a time when I had a different opinion, but those days were long gone — two thousand years on this planet will do that to a guy.

Well, now that the cat’s out of the bag, I suppose I’ll have to tell you a few more things to keep you from bombarding me with questions…

Here’s a few more tidbits about my life – take them for what you will.

Obviously I haven’t always lived in upstate Pennsylvania; I was actually born half a world away and some two millennia past. And although I’m a persona unknown to most of the world now, long ago I was actually rather famous. Let’s see how quickly you can figure it out…

My father’s name was Zebedee and my mom was Mary Salome. My family was Jewish and originally lived in the Bethsaida region around the Lake of Gennesaret in what is now modern day Israel.

My mother was actually a sister of Mary, the mother of Jesus of Nazareth – yes, that means I was Jesus’s cousin.

I also had a rather famous brother too – a man who later became known as Saint James The Greater. I’m kinda proud of my older brother so obviously I have to show you a picture of him too.

Click to learn more about my brother

To say James and I were close is an understatement – back in the day we tore it up and were known by all as The Sons of Thunder. Sure we got into a bit of trouble, but it was all in good fun. 

Meanwhile, my dad had a fishing business that James and I helped him with it. The business was profitable enough to allow me to afford my own house and it even gave me a bit of status (I was a personal friend of the Jewish high priest at the time – hey, if you give anyone enough money, they’ll be your friend, right?).   

Now Jesus and I we also cousins of another famous preacher – the legendary Jewish apocalyptist known as John The Baptist.

The Baptizer was the first great speaker I had ever met and I actually found myself captivated by all his talk about how “the Kingdom of Heaven was at hand” and what it meant for me and my fellow Jews.

(I wouldn’t fall for all that talk now, mind you, but back then it sounded rather good).

In any case, at the time Jesus and I were both looking for something meaningful to do with our lives (fishing just wasn’t exciting enough) so we decided to follow The Baptizer around for awhile.

Eventually Jesus became a pretty hardcore apocalyptic teacher himself and he too began evangelizing. Since I was closer to Jesus, I left The Baptizer’s group and followed Jesus around for a bit. But soon enough Jesus’s group ran out of money and reality set in, so we had to give it up — I went back home to my boring life in the fishing business, while Jesus wandered off into the desert to find himself.

I honestly thought that was the end of my time as a disciple (of anybody) and I was happy just living the life of a village fisherman. However, about a year later, Jesus came back home – and he was now a changed man.

Jesus claimed he’d a revelation that he was the Son of God!

Perhaps just as importantly, he also had a new plan for his evangelical work: expansion via recruitment.

He asked me and my brother James to join him and leave our fishing business to instead become “Fishers of Men.”

We took the bait and helped Jesus find more recruits. It was a wild success – we travelled around like rock stars for awhile and after that I was pretty much by Jesus’ side from there on out – until Jesus was crucified that is!

As you can imagine Jesus’s death at the hands of his jealous adversaries was quite an ordeal – events certainly didn’t work out as I thought they were going to when Jesus first roped me into the experience and when he was murdered so unexpectedly it left myself and the other disciples in a bit of shock. We had no idea what to do next and most of us were just trying to lay low for awhile in order to save our own skins. 

Thankfully Jesus proved he was the Son of God when he rose from the dead just three days after his crucifixion and that, as I’m sure you can imagine, was rather inspiring.

On fire for his message, I took it upon myself to continue his Christ’s mission. In fact, I later wrote about my time with Jesus in a book called The Gospel of John. Watch it today on Amazon Prime (everybody has that now, right?)

Looking back now I regret the decision to get caught up with Jesus — it was all just a crazy idea. Back then I was young and stupid. Oh sure there was something charismatic about Jesus – even more so than The Baptizer.

But Jesus clearly said that he would return.

And he said that he was going to do so during our lifetimes back then.

So where the hell is he? And what’s taking him so damn long?

That’s right. I said it. 

You wanted to know what has me so upset. Well now you know. 

Happy?

Continue Reading…