Tag Archives: Colonel McGubbins

3.24 Into the Fires

Book III: Chapter 24
November 13

“What?” I blurted out – a bit too loud — after Miriam had just told me about Cardinal Marrollo’s seeming desire to destroy Bill Bates.

Immediately after my shout there was a knock at the door from the guards outside; one of them called in urgently, “Baron, is everything all right?”

“Yes, yes.? I ran to the door. “All is fine. Please, leave us alone for another minute or so.”

Turning back to my friends I hissed, “Finish the story, then we must leave.”

Miriam was now lost in thought so Alan took up the tale, “I don’t possess Miriam’s abilities, so I can’t vouch for what she saw in her mind. All I can say is there was something strange going on – as if we were part of History in Motion. Nevertheless, our Moment of Truth passed and suddenly Marrollo bolted out of the room – still carrying The Nail. But we hadn’t come all that way for him anyway – for the man we wanted was right before our eyes and finally we had him!

“Despite his flailing against us,” Alan continued, “Bates wasn’t much of a physical opponent. The two of us overpowered him and drove him back towards the cross upon which Mystery was still hanging. Her blood rained down upon Bates as we pinned him there – and yet, even then, I could tell he wasn’t really afraid of us.”

“Until we pulled out our Nails!” Miriam jumped in. “Then fear – true Primal FEAR – was suddenly evident in Bates visage. It was as if, for the first time in eons, The Beast knew he was facing Destruction.”

“Bill began to wail in some awful, guttural language,” Alan shuddered, “it was a dialect older than anything I had ever heard – Evil in every way. If I had to guess, I would say it dated back to Babel itself, or perhaps even earlier, say–“

“Alan, we’re getting off topic.” Miriam chided. “The bottom line is this — regardless of what Bates was saying, suddenly he KNEW he was facing Death. But we didn’t give him any more time to think of a way out – instead, Alan and I plunged our Nails into his chest!”

“But… but… this doesn’t make sense?” I was angry that I couldn’t understand. “I just told you Bill Bates is out there now in his full-on Ghaz al’ Ridwan Ma’bus persona; I just saw him with my own eyes.” And then, asking a question I thought I would never ask, with my faith nearly faltering, I whispered, “Didn’t your…Nails have any…effect on him?”

“Of course they did.” Miriam advised. “Or at least, we all thought they did – Bill Bates included! Because when we drove our spikes into him, Bates must have felt their <power>. His face became a mask of terror and he began to writhe so badly that Alan and I were driven backwards.”

After taking a moment to collect herself, Miriam continued. “Our Nails remained lodged within Bates’ midsection even as he fell to the floor and continued convulsing! By now there was naught we could do but watch… and hope.”

“John, I tell you I really thought we had done it!” Alan agreed. “I thought we had finally destroyed The Beast!”

“Well, obviously not.” I muttered. “So what went wrong?”

“All of this happened so fast, mind you. But, like I said before, it was as if a Moment of Truth, a History Opportunity if you will, had come and gone, and alas the result was another escape for The Beast – for though we witnessed the demon fall, so too did we see him rise back up – in triumph.”

Dr. Ma’bus celebrated in all his glory.

“It was awful.” Miriam lamented. “Even as we watched, Bates rose, as if from the dead, and of a sudden, he bolted up, full of power, and showing his true face. John, there is no doubt he IS The Beast!”

“We both thought we were done for,” Alan added, “but at that very moment the door to the room burst open again, and Marrollo came barging back into the room.”

“Everything was still in slow motion except for Bates.” Miriam labored, remembering, “As The Beast surged with power, our Nails that were lodged within him came bursting forth — they flew outwards, whizzing past our heads as we barely had time to duck.”

“And our nails slammed into Marrollo.” I surmised, as if seeing the scene unfold in my mind’s eye.

“How did you know?” Miriam gasped.

“It was inevitable, given the fabric of your story.” And trying to allay my fears with humor, “After all, I AM a writer, remember?”

“You are correct.” Alan replied. “Impaled with OUR nails, Marrollo slumped against the wall, even as Bates’ masked guards surrounded us.”

“Suddenly we realized that it was WE who had failed.” Miriam lamented. “For we tried to kill The Beast with only TWO of the Nails and our Folly was to try to accomplish our mission in our own way instead of waiting for you to join us again.”

Even as she said these words, I felt my spine tingle – knowing that I was presently committing the same hasty sin. (Oh, Lord, forgive me. But what can I do now? I’m here, so I have to move forward right?)

“But that wasn’t the worst of it.” Alan broke my thoughts.

“Oh?” I asked.

“Worse than anything was hearing Bates’ diabolical cackling.” Alan covered his ears at the memory. “It was triumphant, evil, and insane. And even as the palace guards apprehended us, Bill Bates stood there and kept laughing.”

“It was a sound I’ll never forget.” Miriam added, she too visibly shaken at the memory.

“Hehehehehahaha! Hehehehehahaha!” As if on cue, suddenly a cacophonous echo carried into the room through the door – a sound that caused all three of us to cower in fear!

“My God, that’s the laugh!” Alan gasped.

“Lord, save us!” Miriam’s face was white as snow.

<BOOM!> The door to the room burst inward.

“Hehehehehahaha! Hehehehehahaha!”  Bill Bates’ laughter filled the room as he stood in the doorway, followed closely by Pope Benedict and my little friend Colonel McGubbins! “Hehehehehahaha! Hehehehehahaha!” 

Even as that snitch McGubbins gloated over me, I knew my failure had more to do with my actions than his – although that knowledge didn’t make it any easier to see the little twit preening in delight.

Quite frankly I wanted to knock his block off. 

And so the consequences of my sins continued…


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25 – Paradise Lost
Book III Table of Contents

3.21 The Coming of the King

Book III: Chapter 21
November 13

Was my cover blown?

It sure seemed that way because the Pope was pointing towards me and talking about finding a traitor and all eyes were suddenly turned my way.

Luckily for me, I did not get a chance to try to defend myself, for in my shock I did a most ignoble thing – I actually spit out my beer!

Now this is one occasion where drinking alcohol clearly saved me – for even as I tried to recover my wits, a waiter was already beside me with a towel, cleaning my robes and helping me to save face.

As it turned out, I need not have worried too much – for the crowd was not looking at me, nor was Pope Benedict really pointing at me.

(Heck, I don’t think anyone even noticed my faux pas with the beer).

In reality, they were all looking at the wall behind me – or more specifically at one of the many dark hallways that were carved into the stone wall…

As it turns out, the one indicated by The Pope just happened to be behind the section I was sitting in.

(Gee, I guess I have a guilty conscience, huh?)

Joe’s next words then uncovered the mystery, “My Brothers, down that particular hallway is a room which holds inside it two… rats.” Here he paused for effect. “And one of them is our former Brother — Professor Alan Zarus.”

Gasps went up from the crowd and I too tried to act surprised (but surely you know by now this was the REAL reason why I was here tonight, right?).

“With him is his… girlfriend – Miriam Magdala.” The Pope spoke on. “If you don’t know her, don’t worry – she’s not important.” And then with an ominous snicker, “And she won’t be around much longer anyway.”

A Brother at my side, one Colonel McGubbins, prodded me with an elbow and a wink, smiling knowingly at the pope’s dark humor.

Colonel McGubbins

For my part, I ignored McGubbins (he always was a bit of a lout) and instead turned inwards to my own thoughts.

If Lazarus and Mary really were in some makeshift holding cell here in Whitby Abbey, then the fact that they were on site while a Brotherhood meeting was taking place was more than enough to seal their fate.

Yet even as I began to plot how to rescue my friends, Joe soon began reading a list of my friend’s so-called “Crimes against The Brotherhood” – with the crowd catcalling in reply.

When Benedict finished, Bill Bates as Dr. Ma’bus again took the stage. I was not surprised when he recommended that Alan Zarus be impeached, nor by the loud cheers that answered him.

“They’re taking a vote.” McGubbins’ lascivious anxiety was showing as he gave me an unnecessary commentary between his own applause. Then, after only a short pause, “It’s unanimous!”

I watched as the crowd looked to Ma’bus for further guidance.

McGubbins smiled and pretended surprise, “Oh my, how unfortunate for Brother Zarus — Ma’bus just flashed a thumbs down!”

I wondered if my friends could hear the jeers filling the room?

Yet, more importantly, I wondered what Ma’bus had in mind – could he be contemplating another bout with the Chairs of Woe?

By now, the crowd was working itself into a frenzy, and as we reached the height of our blood-thirsty passion, Pope Benedict again took the stage.

“Brothers,” the Pope raised his arms, “I know you are anxious to destroy these traitors, however let’s not forget the REAL reason why we are gathered here today.”

We waited with baited breath – what else could there be?

“We have the privilege to witness a sight never before seen upon this earth.” Joe proclaimed. “For today – TODAY! — we shall see the birth of Our Savior!”

Now The Brothers cheered even more wildly than before.

“The Coming of the King.” McGubbins babbled out. “Hallelujah!”

“That’s right, good sir.” The Pope acknowledged McGubbins, causing the fool to get an even bigger ego, yet before the latter could puff himself up further, Joe bellowed, “Halleluiah indeed — for I call you all to bear witness to the Coronation Ceremony of Ghaz al’ Ridwan Ma’bus as… EA Incarnate!

At that I nearly spit out my beer – again.

This is unprecedented!

I’ve been a Brother off and on for nearly 1,700 years, yet I’ve never actually seen anyone crowned as EA Incarnate.

EA Incarnate

Truth be told, I always thought it was just a made up rank, for the moniker that Joe proposed for Bill Bates was the equivalent of calling him a god on earth.

According to my knowledge of Brotherhood lore, the last known EA Incarnate lived more than 5,000 years ago – yet no source ever revealed who this early persona might have been and some said it was a being from another planet (do we have any Alien Astronaut theorists in the house?)

EA Incarnate? I silently mouthed the words. Oh no. This is not good.

Even still, I kept my wits about me and used the commotion of the wild celebration that followed to leave my seat and make my way down that dark hallway where (I hoped) my friends were being kept.

Unfortunately I didn’t know that Colonel McGubbins followed me.


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22 – The Rescue
Book III Table of Contents