My last jibe did not disappoint – and with both Alan and Miriam wfhite-faced, I went for the kill, “Lighten up, people. I know we can’t switch sides. But if Michael wants to do his thing – fine. And if you two want to stop Bates or Ma’bus or whoever he is – also fine. Just leave me out of it.” Then I clicked on the TV – hoping they would finally get the hint.
Miriam walked over, rudely snatched the remote (yes, the remote that I had just recently learned how to use!), and then turned the TV back off. “Stern discipline awaits him who leaves the path, John! You’re not listening.”
“WHAT?” I roared. “WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO KNOW?”
“Don’t you see — Michael’s offensive is a SECRET attack! I wrote about this in my letter to La Papessa. In the end, after consulting the scriptures, she marked my letter signum eternus and locked it within the most secret of the Vatican’s vaults – where it been ever since.”
Alan’s eyes narrowed, “My dear Miriam, remember who you’re talking to – you don’t seriously expect me to believe that such a warehouse has remained outside of MY knowledge for lo these many centuries?”
“I’m not sure what to say, Alan, but The Sacra Crypta does indeed exist.”
“Then where is it located?” Alan snapped, clearly embarrassed.
“OK. OK.” I tried to move the story along. “What happened next, Professor?”
“Hmm.” Alan tried to remember. “I moved away from Rome again around 1100, and by then the church fell into some disrepair. In 1776 Pope Pius VI pulled down Santo Stefano and built a new sacristy for St. Peter’s.”
“If you loved it so much, why didn’t you stop this?” I teased.
“John, as you might recall, we three were tied up dealing with Weishaupt at the time. Regardless, Saint Stephen’s church was torn down – so now all that remains are its Roman columns – which I convinced Pius, by letter, to place in the new sacristy of the St. Peter’s.”
“Alan, you’re correct on all of that.” Miriam agreed. “I know how much you loved that chapel. However, you overlooked one thing.”
“Oh, what’s that?” Alan asked, an eyebrow raised in disbelief.
“There was a secret cellar under Santo Stefano.”
“What?!? That’s impossible.” Alan was offended. “Why, I’ve been there a thousand times, how could I never have known about it? There wasn’t any such feature in the original construction.”
“She said it was a secret.” I laughed.
Alan’s look at me was pure ice, yet it was Miriam who spoke again. “I’m sorry I couldn’t tell you. I was sworn to secrecy.”
“Who built this vault? Who kept you from telling us?”
“The answer to that question is one and the same.” Miriam began.
But it was I who filled in the blank, “Don’t tell me — Pope Joan?”
Who wrote the Book of Revelation? Did the Apostle John really Revelation? The answer is not as easy as it seems. In this article we’ll explore the arguments in favor of St John being the author and also talk about why some experts believe there was “another John” behind this famous book. I’ll also give you my opinion on this age-old question which has now plagued Christians for nearly 2,000 years.
1. Who was John of Patmos?
“John of Patmos” is the self-identified author in the text of The Book of Revelation.
While it’s helpful that the author named himself for us, the problem we face has always been – WHO exactly was John of Patmos? Was he St John the Apostle or was he perhaps a lesser known “John?”
Let’s explore…
Gustav Dore’s “John of Patmos”
2. Who Wrote the Book of Revelation – What Most People Believe
The mainstream view is that John of Patmos is in fact John the Apostle.
Apostle John was also known as St John the Immortal, John the Beloved, John of Zebedee, John the Revelator, John the Divine, and John the Theologian. Given that he was a man of many names, it’s possible that Saint John was also known as John of Patmos too.
What Books did St John write?
In addition to being credited with The Book of Revelation, Apostle John is also commonly held by many to be the author of The Gospel of John, the Epistles of John, and possibly the apocryphal text called The Gospel of the Secret Supper (a text long lost to history but which can now be read in The Gnostic Bible).
When is St John believed to have written The Book of Revelation?
The theory is that the apostle was evangelizing in Rome and was exiled to the island of Patmos by the Roman Emperor Domitian in 95 AD as punishment because John was perceived as a threat to Roman rule. Recall that during Domitian’s rule Rome didn’t look kindly on Christians and banished a number of alleged practitioners of ‘magic and prophecy.’
Under this theory then John is said to have received visions while on Patmos and that he wrote the Book of Revelation during these later years of his life.
HOWEVER, not everyone agrees that Saint John is the true author of The Book of Revelation…
3. Is there “another John” who could be the real author of Revelation?
Despite the mainstream view that John the Apostle wrote Revelation, many modern scholars do not believe this to be true. Perhaps the most famous in our times is Bart Ehrman. There were also numerous early church elders (among them the famed Eusebius) who believed the author of Revelation was a “different John.”
Who were these other Johns?
Speculation as to who the real John of Patmos was has raged over the centuries. Various other Johns have been put forward as being the author of Revelation. These include:
Why don’t some people believe St. John wrote The Book of Revelation?
The main reasons some early church fathers as well as modern experts don’t buy in to St. John being the author of Revelation has to do with the argument that St. John was NOT (in their view) John of Patmos. Belief in this ‘two-John’ theory has to do with the vast differences between the other texts that St John is alleged to have written compared to the Book of Revelation. These differences can be summarized as follows:
The author of Revelation specifically identifies himself (i.e. as John of Patmos), while whoever wrote the Gospel of John and the Epistles of John does not specifically identify himself (although St John is held to be the author in most mainstream circles).
There are noted differences in language – the original Greek used in the Gospels and Letters of John is more ‘elegant’ and mistake-free while in Revelations it is more crude. (For more on this, read this book on the topic).
The theological outlook of the books are clearly different. To wit: the Gospel of John focuses on establishing Jesus as the Messiah and professes that whoever believes in him will have eternal life. More importantly the Gospel of John is NOT an apocalyptic text and there is little to no discussion of a soon-to-approach end of the age. The Book of Revelation is the very epitome of an apocalyptic text and its primary purpose is to discuss the soon-to-occur End Times.
But there’s yet another problem with The Johns…
We don’t know much about John the Evangelist, John the Presbyter, and John the Elder – in fact, it’s possible that these monikers were actually alternate names for the Apostle John. If so, then this could mean that the apostle actually DID write Revelation. After all, being that St John was known by so many names, it’s highly possible he was John of Patmos too.
4. But did Saint John even write The Gospel of John?
Pondering this question will take you further down the John Rabbit Hole…
Did you know that not all scholars believe that John the Apostle even wrote the Gospel of John?
The biggest reasons for this trace all the way back to John’s roots. Let’s recall that the apostle John was. According to the Bible, Saint John was…
John and his brother were both some of the first disciples Jesus recruited during the early days of his ministry.
While John and James went on to become prominent figures in Jesus’ evangelical mission (both during his life and after), they were also both allegedly poor fisherman from Galilee who likely not even literate.
The language they spoke was Aramaic, but The Gospel of John and the Epistles were all originally written (as far as we know) in Greek – with a highly literate style.
How did an illiterate, Aramaic speaking fisherman from Galilee write in a high form of Greek?
While it’s certainly possible that John learned a new language during his own evangelical missions as he allegedly traveled outside Palestine on his way to Rome, and while it’s possible that he also learned to read and write, some wonder if he would have been able to develop this writing skills to the level displayed in the Gospel and Letters.
HOWEVER – what’s interesting about this knock on John is that this argument (i.e. that basically St John wasn’t educated enough to use the writing style of the Gospel and the Epistles) actually supports St John being the author of Revelation!
Remember, the writing style of the Greek used by John of Patmos in Revelation is said to be riddled with errors and ‘of a cruder nature.’ Isn’t this exactly as one might suspect of say a fisherman who learned Greek later in life?!?
And so the rabbit hole just got deeper, eh?
5. What do I personally believe about who wrote Revelation?
Personally I choose to believe that St John the Apostle actually wrote everything attributed to him – i.e. The Gospel of John, the Epistles of John, AND The Book of Revelations. This means that I therefore also believe that Saint John the Apostle was indeed John of Patmos.
But how do I reconcile the differences in style between the books and that St John was allegedly illiterate?
Just because someone doesn’t know how to read or write early in life doesn’t mean they can’t learn later, right? And isn’t is possible that if John traveled through Greek-speaking lands that he learned to read, speak, and write that language over the years?
Perhaps most importantly of all, I’m willing to ascribe to the theory that God is more than capable of inspiring St John with whatever literary skills he needed to pen these books.
Is St. John Still Alive? It’s a question that’s been asked by Christians for nearly 2,000 years.
In this article, we’ll examine what caused this legend to start, talk about the evidence that supports it, discuss the possibility that John is immortal (and why), and also talk about how Saint John died (assuming he did) and where John’s tomb is. Finally, (for those that think John is still alive) we’ll also talk about what his mission may be.
Did Saint John die? That, my friends is the question. Now let’s get some answers!
1. Who was John of Salome?
John, the younger brother of James,son of Zebedee and Salome, was a fishermen in Galilee during the time of Jesus Christ’s missionary work. Together with his brother, John was one of the first persons called by Jesus to join his group of disciples. John and his brother went on to become part of Jesus’s inner circle, were named as two of the legendary Twelve Apostles, and after Jesus’s death and resurrection, John, James, and others went on to change the world by creating and spreading the new faith of Christianity.
As for John himself, he is credited with writing The Gospel of John, the two Epistles of John, and the Book of Revelation that are all part of the accepted canon of The Bible we have today. His writing and evangelical work throughout Palestine and Rome caused untold numbers to convert to Christianity and the fruits of his labors are beyond measure.
Always close to Jesus, John is often pictured near Christ in classic art and in The Bible he is repeatedly mentioned as one of the three apostles (along with his brother James and Peter) who were the closest associates of Jesus. Because of his favoritism by Jesus, John was known as John the Beloved.
In fact, John became so famous in Christian lore that he picked up a slew of other monikers over the years. He and his brother James were called Boangeres which translated to ‘sons of thunder’ because of their alleged quick tempers. John himself was also known by many other names including: John of Zebedee, John the Revelator, John the Divine, and John the Theologian. It’s possible he was also the same person as the Christian writers known as John the Evangelist,John the Presbyter, and John the Elder. As the accepted author of Revelation, he is also presumed to be John of Patmos. And, as is most relevant to this article, he was (is?) sometimes called Saint John the Immortal.
“Saint” John
For all his efforts, John of Salome was one of the first ‘saints’ of the Christian Faith. Because he was made a saint during the early days of the religion (pre-congregation) we don’t have records that tell us the day he was made a saint, however we do know his Feast Days.
For Catholics and Western Christians, the Feast of St John is December 27. For Eastern Orthodox Christians, he is celebrated on September 26.
2. Why Do People Believe John Didn’t Die?
Saint John – the ‘beloved’ apostle of Jesus who was allegedly responsible for writing multiple books of the Bible and instrumental in helping to get the Christian Religion started.
You mean the guy that lived over 2,000 years ago? You want me to believe he is still alive today?
Actually – YES.
And before you say preposterous, I would respectfully ask that you at least consider the EVIDENCE in favor of this claim.
3. Evidence from Christian Literature Supporting St. John’s Immortality
Perhaps the most respected evidence that supports the possibility that Apostle John may still be alive today comes to us from the Gospel of John.
Here the author himself wrote about his potential immortality in John, Chapter 21: 21-23.
In this scene, Peter is talking to Jesus after his resurrection and John is following them at a distance. Jesus has just told Peter about the latter’s manner of death. Peter then asks how John will die. To which Jesus responds…
“If I want John to remain alive until I return, what is that to you? You must follow me.”
John 21:21-23 was such a powerful case for the immortality of John that allegedly even the other apostles and Jesus’ disciples at that time believed St. John would not die and that instead John would remain alive until Jesus’ Second Coming.
II. Book of The Mormon
Further evidence about the possibility that St. John is still alive comes from the Book of Mormon, Chapter 28: 4-7.
(Editor’s Note: I am not a Mormon nor am I here to debate the worthiness of the Mormon religion, I’m simply giving you applicable verbiage that relates to the subject at hand – AKA that St John may still be alive today. You can make your own decisions).
With an open mind, consider these verses in which Jesus is speaking directly to the other disciples about John…
“…Blessed is John, for he shall never taste of death; but he shall live to behold all the doings of the Father unto the children of men, even until all things shall be fulfilled according to the will of the Father, when I shall come in my glory with the powers of heaven. And he shall never endure the pains of death; but when I shall come in my glory he shall be changed in the twinkling of an eye from mortality to immortality; and then shall he be blessed in the kingdom of my Father.”
III. Doctrine and Covenants
Additional evidence that Apostle John is still alive comes from another Mormon text — the Doctrine and Covenants, Section 7: 1-3.
Once more it’s a scene in which Jesus is talking to Peter and John and we get more verbiage from Jesus himself that he wants John to remain alive until he returns.
Consider for yourself this alleged conversation between Jesus and his beloved apostle John which is clearly an expansion of the text from the Gospel of John: 21-23. As with John’s Gospel, the scene is told from the point of view of the author which is again St. John himself…
“And the Lord said unto me: John, my beloved, what desirest thou? For if you shall ask what you will, it shall be granted unto you.”
And I said unto him: “Lord, give unto me power over death, that I may live and bring souls unto thee.”
And the Lord said unto me: “Verily, verily, I say unto thee, because thou desirest this thou shalt tarry until I come in my glory, and shalt prophesy before nations, kindreds, tongues and people.”
And for this cause the Lord also said unto Peter: “If I will that he tarry till I come again, what is that to thee? For he desired of me that he might bring souls unto me, but thou desiredst that thou mightest speedily come unto me in my kingdom. I say unto thee, Peter, this was a good desire; but my beloved John has desired that he might do more, or a greater work yet among men than what he has before done. Yea, he has undertaken a greater work; therefore I will make him as flaming fire and a ministering angel; he shall minister for those who shall be heirs of salvation who dwell on the earth…”
John’s Gospel of The Secret Supper, which is filled with blockbuster revelations about numerous topics and it is so salacious that , I’ll leave it to you to discover one on your own.
You can get a copy of The Gospel of The Secret Supper in The Gnostic Bible. The Gospel of the Secret Supper is located in Section Seven – Cathar Literature.
Beyond just John’s apocryphal text, the Gnostic Bible is a massive, 800-page book that includes gnostic texts such as the Gospel of Thomas, the Gospel of Judas, and the highly heretical Reality of the Rulers that attempts to turn the story of Genesis upside down. If you decide to buy it – you’ve been warned.
4. Why is Apostle John Still Alive? Are there other immortals too?
I’ve been pondering the question of John’s immortality for years. Asking questions such as…
If Jesus made the Apostle John immortal what is John doing now?
How would John feel about being stuck on this world for over 2,000 years?
Why did Jesus want John to remain alive until the Second Coming? What is John’s secret mission?
Are there other people who Jesus made immortal too?
If Jesus raised Lazarus from the dead, how did Lazarus die again?
Whatever happened to Mary Magdalene? Is she immortal too?
The more I explored these questions, the more convinced I became enamored by the idea that not only was St. John alive but that maybe Lazarus and Mary were too. I became so inspired by the possibility of it all that I wrote a FICTIONAL “What If?” story about it.
So what would John’s story be if he was alive today?
Let’s find out…
The Last Temptation of John – Book Summary
The Antichrist has come.What if the events detailed in The Book of Revelations were about to occur… this year?
Could anyone save us from certain death? The answer is YES. Hard as it may be to believe, St. John the Apostle is still alive today – having been blessed with the Gift of Immortality so that he could survive to fight against the coming of The Antichrist. Unfortunately, over the course of the last 2,000 years John has lost is faith!
Can John recover his faith in time to stop Armageddon or will Satan’s Son achieve Ultimate Victory? The answer to that question and many more will be revealed in the thrilling new book series The Last Temptation of John.
Read the trilogy today… if your faith is strong enough. If nothing else, assuming you have a sense of humor, it’s good for a few laughs. 🙂
5. How did Apostle John Die?
Well obviously if the events detailed in my book The Last Temptation of John are true (and the Antichrist has risen) then we’re hoping St. Johh did NOT die, right? After all, if the horrific events detailed in John’s Book of Revelation are about to occur today then we need St. John and his fellow immortals to fight on our behalf!
And if nothing else, the possibility that Apostle John is still alive today makes for an interesting subject for a book, neh? 🙂
But for those of you who don’t buy St. John’s immortality and you believed he died and is buried, then perhaps you’ll enjoy this…
The inscription on his tomb where Saint John is (allegedly) buried…
Then again, how do we know if John is actually inside? 🙂
6. Links to Learn More
I’m certainly not the only person to write about the possibility that Apostle John may still be alive today. Here are various references to learn more about the topic – some present arguments in favor of John being immortal, others argue against it. I’ll leave to YOU to decide for yourself.
Saint John’s Life – Numerous sources (both secret and otherwise) suggest that the Apostle John did not die. The topic became so engrossing for me that I wrote a series of book about it called “The Last Temptation of John.”
During the writing of The Last Temptation of John novels and my (alleged) conversations with the immortal St John, the as-yet-very-much-alive apostle gave me this timeline of his life – it’s fascinating stuff!
Editor’s Note:
We explored this topic in the article “Is St. John Still Alive” which you can read more about here:
My marathon day of visions continued. After moving past the vision of Mary and Jesus, my second – and much more interesting – vision, was pretty deep — think Book of Revelations…
As best I could make out, I was witnessing a FUTURE event—for I was looking upon The Altar of The One True God at The Temple of Jerusalem and immediately I spied Chief Rabbi Yona Metzger, Pope Benedict XVI, the Ayatollah, and that crazy nut Bill Bates — all together.
Given the hordes of people covering the hillsides, I surmised that this was the much publicized ceremony that Rabbi Metzger was organizing to unite their religions in a new era of brotherly love. (Hogwash in my opinion, but who am I to object?)
My vision blurred for a moment, and when it returned, the entire mood had shifted; something was off – for the rabbi was now laying motionless upon The Altar — and peering closer I could see he was dead. Looking around, I also noticed three crosses in the background — they had an eerie resemblance to the ones back on Golgotha – especially since I saw figures on those crosses – crucified!
I strained my eyes to identify the victims – only to get a major shock – for the first body hanging limply on a cross was Lazarus!
I turned to the second cross – only to see Mary.
(Can you guess who was nailed to the third?)
Yes, it’s always unnerving to see yourself as a bloody corpse, but over the years, I’ve been stabbed, shot, and killed in so many ways that it doesn’t affect me much anymore. Instead what excited me about this vision was that, perhaps, just perhaps, this death would really take.
For if this prophecy was true, it seemed I was looking upon the event which I had been waiting nearly two thousand years for – my own death!
Whoopee!!
Now as I told you before, Mary, Lazarus, and I had all been made immortal so that we could stop the coming of The Antichrist. This was our Commission and if successful, we’d be assisting Jesus in his glorious return – unfortunately, it was a job at which we had failed miserably – many times.
For nearly two thousand years, we’d been on guard. At various times in the past, my friends and I thought The End Times were approaching and that the Antichrist walked the earth – yet upon every occasion we were wrong.
Now, however, it appeared that I was finally seeing a different vision – for it was the first which showed the deaths of The Immortals – which I always knew was a key to The End.
Unfortunately for the sake of The Commission, again it seemed that my friends and I had failed – for in my vision The Beast was very much alive, while we three were clearly dead. (Oops!)
Once more my vision got hazy. When next it cleared, I found myself riveted back to the altar – someone was standing there. It was a man who looks like everyman, yet no man. He was wearing a crown of thorns and blood was raining from his head. For a moment I thought it was Jesus, but suddenly I realized it was another – Bill Bates!
Or was it? For his face shifted, and I was left to wonder, Is it you, Lord? Are you really Bill Bates?
Yet there was no time to be sure, for now there was more activity over at the crosses. Something was being done to defile us — a figure in white was pushing a spear into the sides of our bodies.
That’s when I realized Lazarus and Mary were NOT dead after all – for I heard them scream as they got impaled!
Did that finally kill them? I had no time to ponder further, for now the mysterious murderer came over to me.
Entering my own body in my vision, I looked down upon my murderer, yet before I could make out his face, he pierced me too!
“YAAAWWWWWP!!!!” I wailed and even though it was a vision, it hurt like Hell!
To my horror I realized just what we had been speared by — This wasn’t the infamous Spear of Longinus, instead it was one our Nails… The Nails of Jesus Christ!
Immediately my soul began to separate from my body and I was floating away to… to?
As I felt my true self being torn from this world, my vision shifted back to The Altar.
Bill Bates was there and the figure in white was approaching him from behind.
Finally I could see his face clearly — it was none other than Joseph Ratzinger — Pope Benedict XVI!
Then it was that I made a shocking observation: Joseph was actually carrying The Nails – something no mortal had ever done and lived to tell about it.
Yet the pope was doing it — carefully he took each one and installed them in a glowing new crown – even as Bill Bates was removing his own crown of thorns.
His face a picture of <POWER!>, Bates was glowing with Victory. Meanwhile, Joseph face showed a sly smile as he lowered the crown filled with our Nails down upon Bates’ head…
<A Blinding Light from Above!>
And the vision expired.
Breathless, I was left with but one thought..
Can it really be true? My God, Pope Benedict will be responsible for the death of Bill Bates!
Eh, what’s that — you have more questions? But don’t you want to hear about my vision? Oh, all right, go ahead, ask away…
If we are all immortal, why are Miriam and Alan so much younger than me?
That’s a damn good question – have you seen me lately? Does this look like it’s any fun?
Why am I so old?
I have often asked over the years.
A better question is – why in hell did Miriam and Alan get to remain so young and good looking while I had to grow old and haggard?
Ha, if only I knew the answer. Again, I go back to me supposedly being Jesus’ beloved and yet this is how he blesses me? Sounds like a pretty raw deal.
Was it Jesus who gave immortality to all three of us?
Yes.
When did he make Alan immortal and why?
As for the When – here’s another opportunity for you to read that great book I was telling you about – The Gospel of John. Open it up to Chapter 11 and you’ll see when Jesus raised Lazarus from the dead. But surely you already know that story, right?
As for the Why, I would have to say for two reasons:
But probably the real reason is that Jesus wanted Lazarus to help Mary and I with The Commission and I guess Jesus figured Lazarus would be the brain power behind the operation.
If that’s not correct, then your guess is as good as mine.
When did he make Miriam immortal and why?
Gee, let’s not get too obvious with our questions, huh? Well, this one is a bit trickier – at least for me – because, like I said before, Mary and I were never all that close — despite the many centuries we have known each other.
I’m sure she told me her story many times, but for whatever reason I just can’t recall it now. (Hey, I’m an old man, we’re allowed to have selective memory, right?).
Was there ever something romantic between Jesus and Miriam?
Honestly, I don’t know. Even though He did spend a lot of time with her (especially at the end), Jesus never gave us ANY indication that He was nothing but a perfect gentleman. In spite of my personal grievances against our Lord, I still believe He was 100% a man without sin and that, even if He was tempted, He never succumbed.
That being said, there are a lot of people and conspiracy theories to the contrary and I’m sure you can find them if you search a bit online, but don’t expect me to go peddling any.
Was Mary of Magdala a prostitute or the adulteress whom Jesus saved from stoning?
The woman you likely know as Mary Magdalene was a person whom Jesus did cast out seven demons from.
She came from the village of Magdala (a city on the southwest coast of the Sea of Galilee).
After Jesus exorcised her demons, Mary followed us around – however, unlike most of those He cured who eventually left our group, Mary continued to stay on and got more involved.
As for Mary’s reputation as a woman of ill repute, I know the stories as well as you. She was associated with ‘the woman in the city who was a sinner’ (Luke: Chapter 7), and even more so, many people still believe that she is the adulteress whom Jesus saved from stoning in my gospel (John: Chapter 8).
In point of fact, Mary is NOT either of those women and there really isn’t any evidence in The Bible to support those associations. If you want to know more about this topic, read an article a friend of mine wrote…
So how did Mary get such a bad rap?
Well, here I must confess that I am partly to blame – along with James and Peter. We were the early leaders of a new religious sect called The Way and it was pretty chaotic after Jesus left us. We did the best we could trying to keep things organized as we spread The Good News and gained more followers, but Mary had her own designs – no, let me correct that statement, she wanted to be our new leader!
Ah, heeeeellll, no — I’m not following some upstart woman! And the rest of the apostles agreed.
But Mary wouldn’t listen. She went off and recruited her own disciples. She even went so far as to write her own Gospel!
What could we do? We had to stop her.
So we came up with some rumors to discredit her. After all, the city of Magdala was a hotbed for prostitution back in our day, so if Mary became guilty by association, well, it just made our job all the easier.
Unfair or not, our plan DID work and Mary was discredited. But look here, the end justifies the means in my book – after all, The Way turned into Christianity and thereby did we spread Jesus’ message to the world.
Do I feel bad about destroying Mary Magdalene’s reputation?
Not really.
Just to set the record straight, I will say a few more GOOD things about Mary to show you that I can be fair and balanced. In fact, Mary was one of the few who stayed around to witness most of the events of Jesus’ last days – especially his passion and crucifixion. She was there at the mock trial, she heard Pontius Pilate agree to the death sentence, and she saw our Lord beaten and humiliated by the soldiers and the crowd.
Additionally, along with myself and Jesus’ mother, Mary Magdalene stood on Golgotha to try to comfort Jesus while he was dying on that cross – even whilst all the other disciples fled for their own safety.
“The Crucifixion with the Virgin Mary, St John and St Mary Magdalene” by Anthony Van Dyck, c 1619
Furthermore, Mary was actually the first person to witness the resurrection of Jesus and it was she who came back to tell me and Peter about it. In addition, I will admit here and now that Mary was also present when the Holy Spirit descended upon us all at Pentecost.
Given all this evidence, it’s pretty safe to say that Mary was one of the Chosen.
If she just didn’t cause so much trouble, then perhaps things could have gone better for her. But, as you know by now, Mary is not one to keep her opinions to herself. Too bad for her. Oh well.
OK, let’s stop this charade. That’s enough questions from you!
Let’s get back to our reason for being here – He’s going to be very angry with me if I don’t tell you about these prophecies.
I’ve got more revelations to share so pay attention, please.
I pouted for a couple days — tinkering around in the garage working on my… project.
As I told you before, I’m currently living in upstate Pennsylvania – in a town called Williamsport to be exact.
Now if you’re wondering what there is to do in Williamsport, let me answer you – not much. I migrated here over fifty years ago because I wanted to live in a secluded town where I wouldn’t be bothered. For the most part, that’s still the case.
The city (if you can call it that) is located in the northern part of Pennsylvania, a little east of center. When I moved here back in the 1950’s it was still a pretty small town, but since then it has grown to about 30,000 or so – some of that started with an influx of supposedly rehabbing criminals that were shipped from Philly in the last couple decades of the twentieth century and then even more came after the various Covid Health Rezoning and Racial Equity Redistribution Plans that started back in 2021 and 2022. To encourage Williamsport to accept these fine new citizens, the state paid the city a bunch of money for so-called sustainable community projects; it wasn’t a fair exchange. This place used to be a decent country village with respectable people who lived in harmony with police and other first-responders, but that all went to pot when they let the BLM and Antifa agitators take over.
These ‘peaceful’ protesters (as the #FakeNews always called them) were naught but goons too stupid to realize they were being used as pawns to support the higher agenda of The Great Reset. The new regime was never going to give BLM and Antifa the equality they claimed to be fighting for, but most of the protestors didn’t care about that anyway – instead, because they were allowed to do what they loved best (loot, pillage, and spout their madness at all hours of the night), they happily played the part assigned to them – spreading terror as part of the 2020 Election-Steal campaign in order to try to make our people vote against President Trump.
The hard-working, blue-collar people of this area knew Trump wasn’t really responsible for the anarchy and thus we voted in droves to reelect President Trump and his ‘law and order’ policies. Unfortunately, like people in other other swing states, we learned too late that our votes didn’t really matter. President Trump was never going to be re-elected, no matter how many votes he got because a cabal of well-funded powerful organizations from around the world had worked together behind the scenes to decide the matter beforehand.
In PA we witnessed the stolen election first hand. On election day, President Trump was the clear winner by an overwhelming majority – just like he was in Michigan, Georgia, and other swing states. After watching President Trump wipe the floor with Biden on Election Night, I went to bed certain of Trump’s relection. Oh how foolish I was. Like many others I watched in horror as the fine folks in Philly and Harrisburg assured their overlords not to worry about the overwhelming support for Trump in rural communities like Williamsport, and true to their word the cabal and their agents ‘found’ all the mail-in votes and computerized ballot dumps they needed to steal the state of PA for their candidate instead – taking as many days as they needed to change the result in their favor – just like their partners did in other swing states.
And that, my friends, is how you steal an election in the twenty-first century.
Unfortunately they left the ‘peaceful’ protesters to continue to plague us. Worse yet they also defunded the police and other social services. As a result, the Antifa goons have pretty much taken over the city proper and they’ve continued to cause havoc as part of the new socialist government’s agenda to keep the people cowering in fear and begging for martial law to protect them. Williamsport, as it once was, is now a thing of the past – like so many other towns across The New CCP America.
I’d prefer to think of happier times instead.
Hey, did you know that in the late 1800s Williamsport was actually known as The Lumber Capital of the World? Or that Williamsport once had more millionaires per-capita than anywhere in the United States at the time?
I guess I should say it USED to be the home of the LLWS – like so many things Covid cancelled that event (in the name of public safety, of course). There was talk about it trying to make a comeback in 2022, but with youth sports destroyed by the pandemic Health Regulations (especially in uber-socialist states like PA) and with domestic and international air travel so severely limited by vaccine passports and the like, The Little League World Series never really had a chance.
It pains me to remember what once was and what the plandemic’s public health policies stole from us.
Seeing a baseball game in person is one of the things I miss most.
I love baseball and while I never played (the game didn’t even exist when I was in my youth), for whatever reason I could never get enough of watching this pastime. Sure my favorite team is the Phillies, but being that they are three-plus hours away by car, and given all the Covid Health Regulations you have to comply with to see a live game, I don’t have the option anymore.
Prior to Covid, if I wanted to see some live ball, I had a couple options – I used to be able to drive into town and watch the local minor league affiliate of the Phillies called the Williamsport Crosscutters, or I could have gone to any number of local Little League games and see the sport in its purest form.
All of that is gone now – again in the name of public health.
While the government still allowed for professional sports (they were after all the modern day opiate of the people), everything below that level has pretty much become relics of a bygone era. I still remember the time when nobody cared about viruses or ever considered snitching on their neighbor for not wearing a mask. I remember life before mandatory vaccines or Freedom Passes. I even remember the pre-Covid age of neighborhood cookouts and fun. And little league baseball was a big part of that.
Believe it or not, I wasn’t always a crotchedy old man. I even used to volunteer as a coach at the Brandon Little League that played in a local park across the street from my friend Frank Stoppa’s house (yes it’s true – I really did have friends in my life). I enjoyed my time as a little league coach and I was a stalwart at the Brandon Little League for over two decades. Unfortunately, in the late 80’s, I started to feel under-appreciated by some of the parents, and later on I started to get questioned as to why an old geezer like me was so interested in helping out with young boys and girls who were not related to me. Eventually it just wasn’t worth the trouble anymore. (Gee whiz, it’s not like I was recruiting some kid to be my catamite. I simply loved the game – is that such a crime?).
As for my friend Frankie, he was quite a pal. With a shock of black hair ever-filled with Brylcreem, he was a greasy-haired Italian-Pollock who was one of the few people in the world I’ve ever met who truly got it.
It was Frankie who introduced me to my faithful friends Jim and Jack (Reeves and Daniels that is), as well as to such beer classics as PBR, Genesee, and Yuengling. And it was Frankie who also turned me on to country music. Many a night it was that the two of us would put away a case of beer or a few fifths of whiskey listening to Jim Reeves, Conway Twitty, or Hank Williams.
Yes, Frankie understood that life was pretty much pointless unless you could find some way to enjoy it.
He was quite a character – as gregarious as I am quiet – and for over forty years we made quite a team. Unfortunately for me, Frank passed away back in 2009 and things haven’t been the same since.
He was my last real friend. He knew my secrets – and he took them to the grave. Funny enough, I was there at his funeral mass when his grandson gave what I consider the most fitting eulogy of all time – not only was the talk filled with humorous stories about Frankie’s life, but at the very end, (right there in a Catholic Church mind you), his grandson cracked open a can of Pabst and sent Frankie off with a toast of ‘one for the road!’ I can’t imagine the balls it took for his grandson to stand up in a catholic church and make a toast with a beer can. I heard after the fact that the priest was none too happy about it.
And yet, I don’t have such a luxury — I’ll never get a eulogy like that because I’m stuck here. Despite the fact that I still enjoy my baseball, and my booze, and my music, I’d gladly give it all away if I could only die like my friend Frankie.
I’m just oh so tired of being alive. Can you understand that? I doubt it.
There’s a section of King Solomon’s Book of Ecclesiastes (Chapter 12) which comes close to what I’m feeling. Let me read it to you,
“…The years approach when you will say, ‘I find no pleasure in them.’ When the sun and the moon and the stars grow dark. When old men rise up at the sound of birds, but all their songs grow faint. When even the grasshopper drags himself along — for desire is no longer stirred. Then shall the dust shall return to the ground it came from, and the spirit to the God who gave it. [But for me] Meaningless! Meaningless! Everything is meaningless!”
If you open your Bible and read that book, you’ll notice that I did NOT add that last section about Life being “meaningless” – Solomon himself wrote those words and he was supposed to be the wisest man who ever lived so if you got a problem, take it up with him. In any case, his words sure as hell apply to me.
But, what more can I do?
I can’t die, and yet I don’t want to keep on living. And so, I am forced to suffer a meaningless existence – unless I can figure out a way to change my fate. Covid couldn’t kill me, neither could the mRNA vaccines that killed so many others. But not to worry, because that’s what my Project is all about.
I’d love to finally tell you about something IMPORTANT – like my Project – but alas, right now I’m supposed to talk about my visions… again.
Having just witnessed unwelcome memories from nearly 2,000 years ago I was ready for a break.
“Ha! ‘Surely Mary won’t wait around forever?’ Eh, Peter?” I quipped to myself as I remembered what my friend said and took another sip of my iced tea (yes it was a Long Island).
“Well, it seems we were wrong about that, for hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, right?”
Still on my porch, I snickered to myself with chagrin – for as I pondered the situation in hindsight it seemed that nobody got what they wanted:
Lazarus never did get Mary.
Jesus never accepted Mary’s advances.
I’m still here rotting in this worn out husk of a body.
All of our dreams have been dashed.
“Why have you cursed us like this, Lord?” And I threw my glass down on the porch – watching it smash into countless pieces, even as the remaining liquid quickly seeped through the floorboards. Overwhelmed with shame, I cried, “I am worn out calling for help, God. Will my life never end? Even if I end up in the land of gloom and shadow – even still I will go if it means I can only escape this so-called life!”
As if on cue, I noticed the radio was playing yet another one of my favorite songs – the Jim Reeves classic, “Am I that Easy to Forget?”
Guess I could find somebody, too. But I don’t want no one but you. How could you leave without regret? Am I that easy to forget?
I was about to let myself be drawn deeper into the song, when… “We interrupt this broadcast,” came the urgent words of the announcer, “with a special report about the assassination of UN Secretary General Ban Ki-Moon…”
“NO, not again – what about my Phillies game?”
I stewed as the Special Report was delivered — no less than thirty minutes of rigmarole about how, as yet, no one knew who had assassinated Ki-Moon (although I had a pretty good idea); that an emergency meeting of the UN had already taken place; and that William Henry Bates III (Bingo!) had already been elected as interim Secretary General.
After this, there was a short audio clip from Bates’ acceptance speech in which the beloved philanthropist explained that while his first inclination was to advise he was not worthy of such an honor, in fact he agreed to accept the nomination – at least on a short term basis – because he realized that the world needed him, and therefore he promised to do his best to lead the planet to prosperity.
Bates took the opportunity to remind people that he’d continue to work hard to help himself and others like him overcome their White Privilege disease, and as proof of his commitment to promoting BLM and Critical Race Theory goals he announced he was changing his name to the Muslim-inspired moniker Dr. Ghaz ‘al Ridwan Ma’bus. (Just like Teri had warned Alan about – although Teri missed the part about Bates taking on the “Dr.” title – apparently stealing a page from the puppet president Joe Biden’s wife’s playbook on how to give yourself fake credentials). Next this new Dr. Ma’bus explained how he would use his UN platform to protect the world from Climate Change disasters in the hopes that building a more sustainable world would eventually put an end to the never-ending cycle of pandemics that had plagued our planet since 2019.
Bates nee Ma’bus’ message was one of hope and freedom for all people in the world and he the more he talked the more he promoted himself as the People’s Savior.
Now as odd as this might sound, during the initial newscast I was quite dour – especially when Dr. Ma’bus was talking about the UN Agenda 2030 propaganda pawns like BLM, CRT, and Covid, and about his silly new name. Yet the more the Bates/Ma’bus audio clip was playing, the more I found myself getting inspired (just a bit) by Bill’s passion when he proclaimed himself to be our savior as Ghaz al’ Ridwan Ma’bus. It was a contagious sensation that I could not shake and soon enough a smile began to form beneath the scraggly curls of my beard the more I listened to Ma’bus smooth voice.
His voice beckoned me.
And then, as if the shackles of two thousand years of lethargy were suddenly released, I jumped up and looked to the Heavens. “Could this really be The Time?” I was actually hopeful. And in spite of myself, I began to praise, “When my soul is downcast within me, I will remember you. O Lord, have you returned to us in the person of the Muslim Savior Ghaz ‘al Ridwan Ma’bus?”
Meanwhile, Dr. Ma’bus continued to talk – encouraging the world to unite in brotherly love across every race and religion — and my Hope sprang even higher!
“Lord, are you him?” I desperately clutched my radio, hanging on the savior’s next words.
But then it happened, for as the applause from the crowd became so overwhelming, Ma’bus himself could no longer be heard.
“Noooooooo!” I collapsed in despair. “Don’t desert me again!”
Yet, my protests were to no avail. And when the regular newsman’s voice came back over the speaker, my newfound inspiration evaporated; once more I felt as if I was nothing more than a worthless sinner who had yet again been forgotten and abandoned.
And trudging along the porch, “Let the world take care of itself. Or let Bates’ Ma’bus persona do it. He doesn’t need me. You don’t need me, Lord. Nobody needs ME anymore.”
And with that, I went inside and closed the door – leaving even my Phillies to fend for themselves.
Now as you know, my gospel wasn’t the only book I wrote. I was also the author of numerous others — including The Epistles of John and the Book of Revelation. In fact, I actually wrote quite a few other books over the past two thousand years (under different pen names of course), but most of those are tomes that I now want to forget.
What’s that?
You heard a rumor that I didn’t actually write The Book of Revelation?
I know that rumor. It’s a crock. Here’s an article all about it – save it for later because I don’t have time to get into all that now.
For now let me continue filling you in on some more of the trials and tribulations of my looooooong life.
You say you’ve heard enough?
Well too bad. You should know once you get an old man talking about the past you can’t get him to shut up so you’re just gonna have to bear with me – or skip ahead to the next chapter. You’re choice, champ.
Now where was I?
Oh yeah – I was talking about how Jesus made all these grandiose claims about returning for his Second Coming and doing it quickly.
So what the heck happened? Did he just forget? You got questions? I got a LOT more!
You may have heard that I was once known as “the disciple whom Jesus loved.” Yet that’s a moniker I despise now. Why?
Because Jesus died nearly two thousand years ago and I can’t understand how I could be so beloved to him and yet still be left here to rot.
Alas, all this thinking is making me tired.
Where’s my bible?
What, you think because I drink and cuss that I don’t read the Good Book anymore? Sorry to disappoint you there, Sport. I’d wager my knowledge vs. yours any day.
Have you ever read the Book of Job?
If you’re not familiar with this classic, here’s a quick vid to give you a taste…
Ok so that video was a bit tongue in cheek but trust me, it ain’t far off the truth.
The fact is that life for Job sucked. And so it is for me now.
“Why is light given to those in misery, And life to the bitter of soul, To those who long for death that does not come, Who search for it more than for hidden treasure…? For…my groans pour out like water…What I fear has come upon me…I have no peace, no quietness, no rest, but only turmoil.”
Whenever I read those verses, bitter tears trickle down my cheeks – for I know that my dreams of death will elude me today once again – as they have for the last two thousand years.
For I am a man without hope — all my dreams ended the day He made me immortal.
As is my wont at times like this, I can’t help but engage in a bit of morbid self-pity. So I flipped the pages of my bible to my own gospel, and read from John, Chapter 21: 22,
“…And Jesus answered, ‘If I want [John] to remain alive until I return what is that to you?’”
Now let’s be clear on something here, when I wrote that verse, I had no idea that Jesus had already made me immortal. Yet the rumor was out there by the time my gospel first appeared on the scene and the stubborn legend only grew over time.
As you may know, other books have since been written about the subject too – even after I (or at least my original identity) had long since been lost to history.
As you can see when you read these verses, both of these texts support my immortality myth. And yet, as I think about the authors who wrote those lines I can’t help but wonder…
“So Jesus read my mind, eh? And these writers think I actually told him that it was my desire that I may live forever, huh? How could those charlatans know what I really said or felt? It’s not true.”
OK, to be honest, I’m not really sure anymore what I said or did two thousand years ago, but at least I don’t remember it quite like that.
I just wanted to live until Jesus returned. I mean is that really so bad?
Let’s not forget something – Jesus was giving us all the impression that his Second Coming would be happening pretty quickly, so you can imagine that I would want to be alive to see that big event, right?
You see what I mean? He specifically said “I am coming soon” and he said it directly to me! How could I not believe him?
I thought he’d be back in a few months, maybe a year. Certainly no more than 5-10 years. But definitely NOT two-freaking-thousand years!
Believe me, there is no way I would have asked to be cursed with immortality!
Who would be so stupid?
It’s terrible.
Yet immortality is my fate now – as it had been then.
As for the rest of my story, if you must know, after Jesus left us, my brother James, Simon Peter, myself, and a few others worked hard in the Judean region for about a decade or so – trying to establish a new branch of Judaism we called “The Way.”
Eventually our sect would classify itself as the new religion of Christianity but back them my friends and I never intended to start a new religion – we simply wanted to perfect our Jewish faith.
For I was born a Jew and I had intended to die as one.
The problem for myself and the rest of Jesus’s Jewish followers was that, unlike most Jews, we believed (back then at least) that Jesus was our long-promised Messiah and that the End of the World was close at hand – mainly because that’s what Jesus told us to believe!
Unfortunately for us, The End never arrived and Jesus himself never came back.
Worse yet, me and my friends had soon caused such a stir in Jerusalem that the Jewish leader at the time — Herod Agrippa – began to persecute us to such an extent that we had no choice but to scatter to the four winds.
I left home and travelled throughout Asia Minor – still continuing to preach Jesus’ apocalyptic message. Eventually I ended up in Rome, but the authorities there didn’t take too kindly to the “End of the World is Nigh” fodder that Peter, Paul, and I were spreading, and over time we were all arrested. They murdered Peter and Paul, and I was supposed to be executed in Rome too.
One day they plunged me into a vat of burning oil, right there in the Coliseum. Does this look like fun to you?
SAINT JOHN THE EVANGELIST IN A VAT OF BOILING OIL by BENVENUTO DI GIOVANNI
Too bad for the Romans because I didn’t suffer a scratch and on top of that two things happened:
I knew that Jesus really did make me immortal;
The entire crowd at the Coliseum converted to Christianity!
At the time, I thought the last laugh was on Emperor Domitian, but soon enough, I realized the joke was on me.
After the failed execution, Domitian had me banished to the Island of Patmos – a tiny, middle-of-nowhere locale that drove me out of my mind.
With nothing to do but starve, it was on Patmos that I wrote The Book of Revelations. I told myself the book was an effort to stay in touch with the seven churches of Asia who were the most promising centers of our faith at the time and that my book would help inspire them to keep alert for Jesus’ Second Coming – which I foolishly believed was still imminent.
Look – I get it – The Book of Revelation is out there – waaaaay out there.
But the fact is that I was going out of my mind on Patmos – until I discovered a certain plant on the island. See, what you may not know is that I penned Revelation after discovering the island’s supply of coca leaves. With a lot of time on my hands and nothing to do I became rather addicted to the mind-altering effects of the coca — this may explain the book’s hallucinogenic undertones.
“Oh to have a few coca leaves with me now.” I sighed. Yet I knew that drugs were not a true escape – I’ve already tried them all, without success.
The truth is that the original Apostle John did not die.
Oh, I had a tomb as you can see here. It’s located in Ephesus and have a beautiful plaque. You should visit sometime. Just know that the body there is not mine.
The fact is that, after Patmos, I simply disappeared from society as “John the Apostle” and became an assortment of different characters.
In the beginning, I thought I was the only one who was immortal, eventually Lazarus and Mary of Magdala found me.
OK, out with it – let’s hear your questions. I can tell that you won’t let me move on with my tale unless I start answering some of your nagging questions so let’s get it over with.
Am I immortal?
Yes. Alan, Miriam, and I are all immortal – we have been since He made us that way – nearly two thousand years ago. It’s a bitch. Trust me.
Take today for instance – here I am just sitting in my bed trying to get some sleep and shake this drunken haze. Yet I can’t get any peace because He keeps sending me more revelations. Enough already!
Being immortal is just not all it’s cracked up to be.
I know Alan and Miriam may feel different, but what do they know?
Oh sure, there was a time when I had a different opinion, but those days were long gone — two thousand years on this planet will do that to a guy.
Well, now that the cat’s out of the bag, I suppose I’ll have to tell you a few more things to keep you from bombarding me with questions…
Here’s a few more tidbits about my life – take them for what you will.
Obviously I haven’t always lived in upstate Pennsylvania; I was actually born half a world away and some two millennia past. And although I’m a persona unknown to most of the world now, long ago I was actually rather famous. Let’s see how quickly you can figure it out…
My father’s name was Zebedee and my mom was Mary Salome. My family was Jewish and originally lived in the Bethsaida region around the Lake of Gennesaret in what is now modern day Israel.
I also had a rather famous brother too – a man who later became known as Saint James The Greater. I’m kinda proud of my older brother so obviously I have to show you a picture of him too.
Click to learn more about my brother
To say James and I were close is an understatement – back in the day we tore it up and were known by all as The Sons of Thunder. Sure we got into a bit of trouble, but it was all in good fun.
Meanwhile, my dad had a fishing business that James and I helped him with it. The business was profitable enough to allow me to afford my own house and it even gave me a bit of status (I was a personal friend of the Jewish high priest at the time – hey, if you give anyone enough money, they’ll be your friend, right?).
Now Jesus and I we also cousins of another famous preacher – the legendary Jewish apocalyptist known as John The Baptist.
The Baptizer was the first great speaker I had ever met and I actually found myself captivated by all his talk about how “the Kingdom of Heaven was at hand” and what it meant for me and my fellow Jews.
(I wouldn’t fall for all that talk now, mind you, but back then it sounded rather good).
In any case, at the time Jesus and I were both looking for something meaningful to do with our lives (fishing just wasn’t exciting enough) so we decided to follow The Baptizer around for awhile.
Eventually Jesus became a pretty hardcore apocalyptic teacher himself and he too began evangelizing. Since I was closer to Jesus, I left The Baptizer’s group and followed Jesus around for a bit. But soon enough Jesus’s group ran out of money and reality set in, so we had to give it up — I went back home to my boring life in the fishing business, while Jesus wandered off into the desert to find himself.
I honestly thought that was the end of my time as a disciple (of anybody) and I was happy just living the life of a village fisherman. However, about a year later, Jesus came back home – and he was now a changed man.
Jesus claimed he’d a revelation that he was the Son of God!
Perhaps just as importantly, he also had a new plan for his evangelical work: expansion via recruitment.
He asked me and my brother James to join him and leave our fishing business to instead become “Fishers of Men.”
We took the bait and helped Jesus find more recruits. It was a wild success – we travelled around like rock stars for awhile and after that I was pretty much by Jesus’ side from there on out – until Jesus was crucified that is!
As you can imagine Jesus’s death at the hands of his jealous adversaries was quite an ordeal – events certainly didn’t work out as I thought they were going to when Jesus first roped me into the experience and when he was murdered so unexpectedly it left myself and the other disciples in a bit of shock. We had no idea what to do next and most of us were just trying to lay low for awhile in order to save our own skins.
Thankfully Jesus proved he was the Son of God when he rose from the dead just three days after his crucifixion and that, as I’m sure you can imagine, was rather inspiring.
On fire for his message, I took it upon myself to continue his Christ’s mission. In fact, I later wrote about my time with Jesus in a book called The Gospel of John. Watch it today on Amazon Prime (everybody has that now, right?)
Looking back now I regret the decision to get caught up with Jesus — it was all just a crazy idea. Back then I was young and stupid. Oh sure there was something charismatic about Jesus – even more so than The Baptizer.
But Jesus clearly said that he would return.
And he said that he was going to do so during our lifetimes back then.
So where the hell is he? And what’s taking him so damn long?
That’s right. I said it.
You wanted to know what has me so upset. Well now you know.
The Last Temptation of John 